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Reboot Part 1 – Klaffenkater! Sep 28, 2010

Posted by herraheri in Herra the Heri, Sentimental journeys, Zorc Wotan.
1 comment so far

Yes folks,

you might be sitting in front of your good friend computer now and ask yourself: “Why is this happening?! The only constant in my life in the last couple of months has just burnt in flames. He did it again: He posted something. ”

Yes. That’s very true. I myself am still a little bit confused about what is happening right now. 10 months ago I was in Reykjavík, enjoying car accidents, hot girls (yeah) and rivers. Today I am in Swabia, enjoying bike accidents, hot food (oh yeah) and music. Life is a lively flow. And right now I want to talk about where this flow can carry you towards: Neverending wells of bavarian beer and dirndls. Swimming pool festivals in Hungary. Witch forests right next to your back door. Hooligan fathers&sons in Austria. Swan-hunting in Luzern. Foot-ticks in the black forest. The epicenter of jazz in Stuttgart. Strontium-tininess in scientific bowls. Posters everywhere. Weddings. The artistry of gluttony. Unfullfilled plans. Fulfilled plans. Like hiking in Austria with Reinhard. Yes, dear reader, I want to talk about five episodes of my life which occured during the last weekend. It centers around the relationship human – animal; sometimes it’s cruel, sometimes it’s heartwarming, sometimes it’s just damn sick. To make this fragments a complete story of the weekend I will add some spicy pictures! Enjoy!

1. Wednesday, 22.9.2010.

20.30: Theresienwiese, Munich. Just arrived, and before we talk too much we enter the Augustiner-tent and make our way towards the first Maß of the evening. Everything is cruel. So many people. So many old people (am I old?). So many dirndl people.  So much music I never wanted to listen to. So much I have to witness, unwillingly. There is the Maß.

21.20: The last drop goes down my throat. I am standing on the bench and singing “Anita”, cheering and dancing with a 60-year old girl with a beer-reddened face. Another Maß seems to be appropriate.

21:50: Ein Prosit, ein Prosit, der Gemütlichkeit! Two maß went well inside and I like how people talk with each other without knowing who they are talking with, it doesn’t matter, because everybody is drunk, this is why everybody came here, to drink, to stand on the bench, to talk to foreign people, to hug foreign people, to tune foreign people, to sing, to be happy. Life is good. A third Maß.

22:30: Hütten-Schorsch is entering the band conductor’s podium, he paid 50 bucks and thus bought the right to conduct the band for one song of his own will. Life sucks. Three was one too much. Maybe a Jägermeister can help.

22:45: Drove Autoscooter. Successfully rammed several people. Conclusion: As long as you have a lot of money in your wallet and a strong will to drink, Oktoberfest can be great fun! But MAYBE it’s not the best idea to go there if you plan to go up 1600 heigt meters the next day.

You may ask – where are the animals? Yes, there are no real animals like hamsters or goats or dogs. Just interaction human – human.

2. Thursday, 23.9.2010.

The food in the Golling-hut tastes quite ok, even though the Leberkäs doesn’t seem to be quite the right thing for my beer-accustomed stomach. Maybe a Zirbenschnaps will help. I tell the young, yet-to-be-castrated cat relaxing on our bench the story of my day; he tries to scrape me. That’s minigolf, man, play with cats, get hurt by cats. But somehow I gain his trust: Later that night I was dreaming about being a hiking-king in Austria, hiking up the Seven Summits in single day trips – with a truck tire bound around my hips. But suddenly  I wake up because my right foot slept in. I look around – where is the summit? Where are my ice axes? Where did my foot get stuck in? And then I see: it got stuck between the hut bed and the sleeping yet-to-be-castrated cat. Damnit, I share my bed with this little cat bastard. How many hikers have you been sleeping with like that!? Anyway. I like it.

3. Friday, 24.9.2010.

“Hey, did you see this? There was a sheep looking round the corner!”. We are relaxing in the last sunrays of the day at a steep slope near our hut, talking about football. Sami Khedira made me fall into deep, meaningful thoughts about football, so I miss the sheep. But it comes back. And it’s not alone. It brought its friends. And they are obviously ANGRY. They come closer step by step, staring at us with their devilish eyes, some of them chewing grass – they do it as cruelly and fiercely as if they would be chewing our brains. Crap, they want us. I back up, away from the path where the beasts are preparing to eat our souls. They follow my movement, slowly, ready to attack, cold sweat runs down my back, and then..!

4. Saturday, 25.9.2010.

What a watery day. No wonder the frogs are in a party mood. But where is the best party? Craig, he is one of the leader frogs in “Tha Gang”, heard from a friend that on the other side of the street there would be a pond where the hoes get craaaazy! Craig instructs his homies: “Ok guys, we all know this pond here is crap. The water’s old and muddy and the band is playing shit. This party is lame. We go check out the pond on the other side…Where my frogs at?!” “Quak, quak, quak!”, the boys of Tha Gang answer furiously and start to move. Poor fools! They never learned to enjoy what they’ve got; the party on the other side sure is no better than the one they have attended so far. No hoes going crazy. The same band playing. The same oily water. But now it’s too late: Craig jumps ahead towards the street, followed by Sean, Dean, Fran, Brett, Joey, Stan, Claus, Peter, Cleve, Paul, Rannigan and Flint. Craig is almost on the other side of the street, he jumps, then there is a light…he can still scream “Hell yeah!” before he hits the car and explodes into thousand frog pieces. And there is the frog stampede! Paul pukes. Fran takes Peter by the leg and starts to jump around. Dean, Rannigan and Joey join them. There comes the next car, this time on their side. It takes puking Paul silently, Peter and Joey with a blast and rips off Bretts legs. Stan, Rannigan, Flint and Sean decide to try it once more (“Party, dudes!!”) and can hardly start jumping before a truck overrides them all. Fran has long disappeared in the dark, so Claus, Dean and Cleve decide to go back to the other party. “Hey guys!” What’s up with me?! Help me! My legs slept in!!” That’s Brett. While Dean and Cleve don’t give a fuck and jump away, Claus goes back and tries to pull Brett away from the street. He is quite heavy. And there is the next blinding light, here comes the sun…

5. Sunday, 26.9.2010.

To round up this whole thing, another human-human story here just a single picture from the game Sturm Graz – Austria Wien. The guy with the umbrella is there to save the player and referee assistant from the loads of  cans, lighters and sticks  which rain onto the green 90 minutes without pause. Quite pragmatic, and apparently quite normal in Austria. Also the children enjoy throwing their stuff onto the field, encouraged by their fathers. Oh yeah!

The Purple List or 50 Inch of Decision Mar 2, 2008

Posted by herraheri in Herra the Heri, Zorc Wotan.
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Democracy is great.  And because of its mere greatness a lot of people want to take part in it. As it is necessary to have a political stance to take part in the great game of democracy, of course, people take different political viewpoints, discuss, talk, tell stories and form strategic allience for (in a way) similar political perspectives. These alliance are summoned in lists – lists that contain people in strategic alliance which sometimes are called parties by some people.

As democracy is great and it is full of promising honour and power to take part in its game, it is not difficult to imagine that theses lists may become huge. Especially when voters are allowed to vote 80 votes per list. Alors, for example the list for the Munich City Counsil contained more than 500 names on various lists: The purple list did not fit in the cabin, people vote in. Yes. Yes.Yes. It has a width of aprox. 80cm and a height of ca. 50cm: This is voting in its purest form – Amazing.

Blood Swamp Dec 4, 2006

Posted by herraheri in Herra the Heri, Zorc Wotan.

Yeeha, herraheri.de is back in business!

And heeere comes the veritable celebration music: Sunn o))), the chiefs of a really special music genre called Drone Doom. It’s literally fucking amazing. If you are in the mood to really chew you out – that’s the right music to hear. Listen to the complex sound structures of Sunn O))), beautifully accompanied by the nagging of the satanious frontman (haw haw haw). Apropos – he recorded his “lyrics” in a locked coffin. Sounds splendid, doesn’t it?

To become a little idea of what Sunn O))) is like, take a look at this fancy video:

de la malalaladie, ou quoi?

I can’t believe they are live as perfect as on their recordings!

There a quite a few more pearls by Sunn O))) on Youtube:


(Somehow the sequel of the one shown above, but at the same time something absolutely different!)


(The unholy climax of the two ones before – HIGHLY recommended!)


(This one gives you an excellent idea of the musical variety of Sunn O))))


(Another classic by Sunn O)))! Enjoy!)

What the fuck. Oct 31, 2006

Posted by herraheri in Herra the Heri, Zorc Wotan.
1 comment so far

Bitch! Do you really want to have fun?

Just search for “herra héri” on google.de and click “Diese Seite übersetzen”. Man, it’s so peculiarly hilarious, dudes! Sick. So, if you feel like having a splendid afternoon full of laughs, just check the officially pimped German version of Herra Héri.

By the way, try the Spanish translation, too – joder!


And don’t you ever forget: نيسان هو اقسي شهر!

Herra Héri, ihr Gecken!

The Crucible May 4, 2006

Posted by herraheri in Zorc Wotan.
1 comment so far

Oh, hello!

Welcome in 1952, ladies and gentleman!

Today, I am absolutely in the mood to write perfect rubbish.

On the other hand…nah, when I think about, I'm not. I'm just perfectly tired. Just like an old, well-draught Guinness. Or like….you know this feeling: you just had a quite good thought, but when you have the innocent idea of trying to express it, a loathsome, violent, flashy green mass with a cloudy, greasy and ugly consistence appears out of nowhere, creeps slowly over your membrane and covers your whole brain, then eats it up, launchs out a nasty laugh and throws a smoke-bomb into your completely plain head – that is about the time when smoke starts to come out of your ears, a quite ridiculous sight, but very painful, indeed – just to return to his hidden cave which is located in your neck and wait for the next excursion: maybe your abdomen's next? Who knows! Damn, I shouldn't have bought this "soul" at the bakery yesterday morning.


Whatever. On with the show! ahm….AH, again! Puta madre, go away!

If you are battling with similar problems concerning paranoid shizophrenia, maybe marshmallow manstay puft! or, even better, this great item may help! It sounds quite promising, eh?

If this wonderstuff works too good in your case (or if this…thing…in your neck has been brainwashing you) and you consider changing your mind about some things ("Well, in fact, these right-wing people aren't so bad, are they?"), read this article or simply go directly to the heimseite of this club.


Some nonpoint voice tells me to stop writing now and instead walk towards east to the edge of the world – with a nice little package of dynamite in my trousers…

Ouh, just in case you are interested: I've received several tickets for the World Cup 2006. If you want one, just send an email to trojan@herraheri.de with your adress-stuff in it. I will "notify" you soon! But I have to warn you: the tickets are a little oversized because I have so huge, fat hands.

Who the hell wants to watch ITALY vs. USA ??! booooring!
Give me some money! Or at least your hands! I need to get rid of these embarassing paws! Come on! Pleeease!!

Yours sincerly,

Goleo VI


Unique preview: Zorc’s and Dr.Squirrel’s “The nut conspiracy” Mar 12, 2006

Posted by herraheri in Herra the Heri, Mr. J. Squirrel Phd., Zorc Wotan.

Bitch! What a day!

Sir Zorc Wotan and Dr. Squirrel just informed me: On the ooccasion of my birthday, they accord me a top-secret picture of their first movie “The nut conspiracy”, attacking cinemas out off cold icelands mysterious holes in October 2006. Of course, they don’t act, actually. They preferred to stay unrecognised by the outer world. In fact, Sir Zorc Wotans visage would make everyone go blind. So they selected two genius actors, who could represent them the best (at least they thought so).

Well, take a brave look at it…


I am not quite convinced that they were the best choice. Sir Zorc Wotan looks like he coulnd’t make people go blind but is blind himself. And Dr.Squirrel….well, he looks like a squirrel,anyway.

First doubts about the genre of the film grow…

HerraHeri Jan 28, 2006

Posted by herraheri in Herra the Heri, Mr. J. Squirrel Phd., Zorc Wotan.

Herr Heri