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Knock on wood maí 18, 2006

Posted by herraheri in Herra the Heri.

Hey there.

Today the time has come to do some serious coverage of the construction of a new consumption temple, which takes place in these very weeks in 07471-town: in the course of July, there will be the grand opening of the best store (although it's quite a sin to call it a simple store) that was ever domiciled in Hechingen since Ass Kebap: a Burger King restaurant!

Finally all my dreams come true! (You can take that literally: The day when a BK-store opened at the Central Station in Stuttgart was a personal holiday for me – I fondly call it the Burger King Love Day -, and I was the first person to buy my 13,70€ ticket to Stuttgart and make it there.) My prayers where answered at last! The American half-gods discovered the location Hechingen as the veritable place to place one of there holy restaurants. It was just a matter of time, as the site-related factors are so overwhelming here:

  • Thousands of hungry school children who are sick of their daily Döner
  • drunken adolescents who feel the irrepressible need to loop down a 99er or so at half past two on Saturday night (maybe spiced up by a little fight from time to time)
  • All the Fitness-Junkies who soon can walk out of the hip local fitness studio straight into the warm, welcoming arms of mama Burger Queen, to finish their weight-wacher day with a healthy-conscious little Big King XXL-Menu (with salad isntead of the fries, of course!)
  • Addicted people from foreign countries who come by the B27 are badly in need for a new refugium, as well as
  • many children whose parents don't want them any more (do you know the story about Hänsel and Gretel? Their parents never picked them up at the children's paradise!),
  • long-time license-aspirants who probably can sleep on the parking lot until they have their next driving lesson or test and
  • many 16-year old who are sick of the Kaufland car park to hang aroud. And, last but not least:
  • me.

As you see, it was high time that Sr.Long Chili, Prof.Dr.med dent Whopper Cheese, Mr. and Mrs.Chili Cheese Nuggets, Mr.Onion Ring, B.A. and his gang, the Country Potatoes, come to Hechingen to re-establish law and order in this anarchistic hometown of desperados, whores and other mob.

The local reporter of herra héri news went to the sacred place to do a photo shooting and to try and interview the executive planner, engineer, bricklayer, crane operator, setter, decorator, cook, seller and owner of the establishment, Captain John Smith. But he was in a bad mood, he tried to hit me and asked me to go to hell. I ordered one cheeseburger to calm him down a bit. But he didn't comply with my request, in contrary, he spitted on me und threatened me with his dung fork. So I did him the favour and made my exit, not forgetting to take some pictures. Nice guy, all in all.

The holy crane
Recapitulating I can say that I have become so self-confident, knowing that Uncle Sam will settle down in Hechingen. My friends see me with other eyes. I finally have the heart to go out on the street and just walk around and breath in and out. Heww…Life is fine.

Ewige Blumenkraft! (this sentence has been kindly sponsered by the Bavarian Illuminati)


  1. I do not intend to express social criticism in this article, even it may seem so. I like Hechingen and I like Burger King. I really support this fertile symbiosis.
  2. Nevertheless, I am happy not to be living here for long, because in this case, I would end up dying as an overweight prostitute living on a bench in Stockoch within weeks.
  3. I should think about a new category called "boring shit" to warn you, dear reader, in advance the next time something like this happens.