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The Marvellous World of The Guinness – Part 1 maí 11, 2006

Posted by herraheri in The Guinness.

Yo folks, like promised: the adventures of our brave Ireland-correspondent The Guinness. Unfortunately, I couldn`t keep me from doing some comments here and there…Shame on me. Anyway, Enjoy!

Hey people, my name is The Guinness. I am in Ireland to conquer this little Island and hand it over to Herra Héri in order to establish his worldwide kingdom. But now enough of that chitchat.

All in all, my time in Ireland is great, but today it is fucking freezing and
raining. The Irish weather, I know. But well, with my cup of tea I enjoyed the day inside playing chess. I am a really bad player.

Here are some facts about my stay and my successful conquest:

I settled down in Kilpedder, a big metropolitan city, thirty kilometers south
of Dublin. You can compare it with big cities like Ringingen or
Salmendingen (Well, The Guinness, you know what you are talking about, aren’t you? I’m sorry, go on. – herra héri)

Recently, I was on my first campaign in Northern Ireland with some of my colleagues.
The journey from Kilpedder to Belfast takes about three hours by bus (could be compared with Ringingen – Hechingen, don’t you think so?). In order to find the way to our hostel we asked the first person we met on the street. But the woman wasn't really a help. Instead describing us the way, she told us that we were in Belfast now. Okay, phat information…so we did it on our own and, with herra’s help, we did it well. The rest of the day, we were just walking around, shopping, talking and organizing the next days. But of course we finished our day in a pub, realizing that we have to pay with Pounds and that the beer was much cheaper than in Ireland.

The following day was our Northern Ireland Coast Tour Day (sponsored by Herra Héri):

First Stop: a beautiful coast, with a rope bridge named Carrick-a-Rede. At this place, you have also a great view on a small isle called The Sheep Island, because people bring sheep over there for feeding. There is only enough food for twelve sheep: think big!

The next stop was the Giant’s Causeway. That is a part of the coast which looks
like big stone stairs. In the 17th century, the Causeway became widely known as the 'Eighth Wonder of the World', when large numbers of visitors came to view this amazing array of basalt columns. It is estimated that there are around 40,000 in total. There is a nice legend about this place and about the Giant Finn. Wanna hear it? No? Whatever, here it comes:

Finn's Story – There are many heroic legends surrounding Finn MacCool (a.k.a. Batman). Batman was reputed as being the leader of the Fianna, the guardians of the King of Ireland, but that’s rather white-bread looking at the tale that`s about the building of the Giant’s Causeway.

The story goes thus – Batman was going about his daily “duties” on the north coast when one of his enemies, a Scottish giant (The Joker), started shouting and ridiculing his fighting prowess. This angered Batman who lifted a lump of earth and threw it to
Scotland as a challenge to this nasty giant (how adult!). The Joker, this old fox, retaliated with a rock back to Batman, shouting that if he could get his hand on him, he would make sure that Finn would never fight again.

The  Scottish Joker
But, well, c’est la vie, unfortunately The unbelievable Joker couldn’t swim. Ridiculous. So Batman would be spared that fate. But Batman wouldn’t be Batman if he took this affection laying down: he tore large pieces from the cliffs –ZONK!-, pushed them into the ocean bed –SPLASH!- and made a sturdy causeway to Scotland. When he had finished he shouted "Now you'll have no excuse, you chicken!". Fearing to lose his own reputation as an evil giant The Joker had no alternative but come over the causeway…

CLASH! – Will The Joker be able to maintain his dignity and beat the seven shades of shit out of Batman? Or is Batman strinking off for the big blow against this airless thumbsucker? Good vs. Evil, Misery vs. Calamity, Ireland vs. Scotland! Wanna hear how this breath-taking adventure goes forth? Then stay tuned for the second part of "The Marvellous World of the Guinness"! Coming (really) soon! Narf!



1. herraheri - maí 11, 2006

Thanks, Guinness! Always a pleasure!

2. a to the i - maí 11, 2006

oh boy….hell. I wonder if Batman turns out to be some political issue….hilarious, just hilarous. Guiness rules.

3. Andy aka The Hulkiantific - maí 11, 2006

That „to be continued…“ thing has been Mr. Mad Martin´s idea, wasn´t it? Spent some hours in adult evening classes for marketing, huh? Be zorc-punched for that…
I´ll return within 24 hours… I better find the rest of the story here then…or you´re going to strike a bad patch, patsy…

*singing*He is immense…and he is green
the largest creature you have ever seen *lalala*
Give me a „H“, gimme a „U“, gimme a „L“ and gimme a „K“
what´s the word? PERDITION…to everyone against him…


4. herraheri - maí 12, 2006

Oh mansen, AK 47. You did the same classes as I did, didn’t you? Diddeli-hoe. Gimme an „A“, gimme an „M“, gimme an „ATEUR“….what’s the word?
Well, your 24-hour deadline kind of thrills me. What exactly do you mean by „strike a bad patch“? Will it be bad cause you will turn green and blind me? Or what? I’m keen to know which devilarious pamphlet you conceived, and I’m of good hope that I am getting to know it really soon. Don’t disappoint me!

5. big_luv@herraheri.de - maí 12, 2006

This highly irresponsibly kind of „Discussion“ contains a high amount of gay Men-Conersation. So. ich have to stop this, and talk about the real hch issues.
This night (only about 15minutes ago) there was a HUGE (i mean HUUUUGE) street slaughter-action in the County called „Oberstadt“. 15million tiny Frodos (they call himselve „Hassan“ or „Alihamiklonk“ had a kind of „battle“ in the streets of London…uhhh I mean Oberstadt.
Right behind the glorious „Magic“ they argued about God and Allah and so on. You know what I mean (I could explain it, but I´m really annoyed by the blah blah blah of having sex in public, errr having stupid conversations about little child interests. So I have to say it was a lovely night, but my leg still hurts from those ridiculously try-to-knock-me-with-their-fists-in-my-balls manic Bitches. Fuck them all! They all have to die, someday and somehow.
If you still know what I`m talking about, start your Benz and BMW engines and let it roll.

6. big_luv@herraheri.de - maí 12, 2006

…no I am not a racist…
Hans and Heinz has do die someday and somehow too.

7. Andy - maí 13, 2006

This ain´t a discussion…and who has called for your opinion? I don´t know anything about your so called „gay Men-Conversation“, but as it seems you are a specialist to that, go and tell us about it… 😉

Meanwile I´m working on my lack of authority…

P.S.: Martin, I promise I reduce spaming your site with comments from this day on… But it´s so hard…for a addicted person 😉

8. herraheri - maí 13, 2006

Wehelll Andy…we both know that you neither want to nor will do that! And to show you my appreciation, I will get this 2nd part of the story up in a few minutes, just for you, punk! Cause it's your birthday.

@"Big Luv" – It's true man, your little text could really be interpreted as some nationalistic shit. Are you possibly speculating on an engagement for BILD? 😉 Your stuff is also quite confused, eh? Not to mention those horrible misspellings. But well, as the alcohol speaks so clearly out of your speech, I will not lynch you. Cause it's your birthday tomorrow. But that doesn't mean that I support your bomb threats, you freak.

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